outtathedamnway | Open Post

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Hey there, Mister! Open post for PSLs/whatever.

Off-track was one hell of a way to put it, not inaccurate but also pretty damned kind from what she'd seen lately. Dutch wasn't acting like the same man who'd brought her down off that mountain. The one who had stood up for her promised to see her through, felt compassion for her loss. She didn't know what exactly was different but she could see it and feel it. Of course, she was outside all the history of things and she didn't know the man like Arthur or others did. All she knew was her history with him but it troubled her nonetheless.

"Oh we been havin' plenty of luck lately, just the bad sort. Folks getting picked up by the law, run-ins with O'Driscolls an who knows who else, jobs that seem to be comin' too easy only to fall apart in the worst way." It was too much to be considered a coincidence. That was what made her worry.

"You'd have to work real hard to get on my bad side, Arthur." He had been there at her worst moment, he'd stepped between her and Micah right then and there. He'd stood up for her and vouched for her. And he was good company underneath all the bluster and he was a far softer man than he let most people see.

The whole matter with Dutch was troubling, so much so that it was almost too much to wrap his head around. It almost felt easier, sometimes, remembering the way things had always been, all along, and just assuming it'd go back to that. That the same Dutch who'd led them all these years was still in there under these recent failed schemes. He'd always been an idealistic type, always having these grand ideas... only difference was, it had always worked before.

Leading them was Dutch's job, something he'd always just handled. Just as Arthur preferred doing the same, just handling things that are his job to deal with. Go off, go on with the plan, get it done, move on.

"I know one thing, we've got to make our own luck, it's us who've got to turn it around... we can't wait around for that to happen." They can't afford to wait around, ever, not in this life. You have to keep moving, to keep alive.

He glanced over for a moment, getting quiet, thoughtful. Damn it all... just when he thinks he's not about to go and get attached to more people, here it is, happening all over again. It's a rough life, when you've got to fight to get by, when you don't know if your gang, your whole entire family, will make it out, day to day. She understands that, though, and that's good enough for him. "Then I'll try to keep it this way, as best as I can. For what it's worth."

Sadie hadn't been around as long nor gotten in as deeply as Arthur, John or some of the others. She'd had a life she loved before the O'Driscolls took it from her. To her the influence and power Dutch held over the gang was almost disturbing sometimes. She never got that feeling from Hosea, that man was a huckster but an artist about it and kindly to the rest of them.

She didn't figure she'd ever be a permanent fixture for the gang, she just wasn't the type. Too headstrong, too wild maybe. Hell, it might be she was just too damned ornery to belong much of anywhere. Jake had been kind enough to accept and embrace her even with that rough side of her.

Jake had been a man not easy to match, kind and generous and with a softness to him that wasn't weak. She'd never meet another like him she knew that, but ti didn't mean there weren't other good people in the world. One of which was riding right beside her that very moment. John and his family were good people too and she had a fondness for them that surprised her.

"You best keep on my good side, be a shame to have to put you down." Half crazy as she was it might have been hard to tell if she was joking, but the grin wide and sunny as it was that came after made it clear.

Even that earns a bit of a gruff laugh out of him. "I wouldn't want to take my chances, if it ever came to that." He might be the better shot, and has experience to draw on, but she's got a wildness and an intensity that he's not too sure he could match, if it circumstances went a certain way. Then he gets all serious again, thoughtful. While yes, he takes it in jesting, he also at the same time... feels like her judgment is sound, strange as that may seem. After all, there are times where... well. Things need doing that aren't too pleasant to think about, someone double crosses them, or along those lines. Someone needs to be stopped before doing something foolhardy or the like, for the good of the whole gang. "But I'll still trust you to put down any one of us, if it came to that. If it came to a damn good reason for it."

It's been a longer road for Arthur, who really doesn't know any other way of life. Anything else was so long ago and he was so young that it almost doesn't matter. His entire adult life has been in the gang, and his younger adult life was a desperate struggle for survival on the streets. That was what had made it so hard to even just contemplate getting out of it. Even when he had, when he'd wanted... No. Not worth bothering about that now. Point is, he knows he's too far into this to ever get out. But Sadie...

"You've still got a chance. Maybe not anytime soon, it may take some time... but you've still got a chance to get out of all of this, one day. If that's something you want." He'd stand behind her decision, either way, it's just how he is.

"Maybe I'm foolish for thinkin' it, but I kinda this we all got a chance of gettin' outta this. If we choose to." And that was really the crux of it all wasn't it? The choice was there to be made and she knew she could do it. She'd been forged in literal fire and blood into who she was now, she hated what happened but it had made her more formidable.

"Might'a left already if it weren't for, well some of y'all are hard not ta get attached to." She didn't look at him when she said it and she probably didn't have to. She was fond of enough of the people in the gang to want no ill to come to them, the girls were good if sometimes silly women. Javier, Charles, Sean all good men who made her laugh. Kieran even wasn't so bad once he washed the O'Driscoll stink off him, an she admired Hosea as a kindly figure. The Marstons, well as prone as they were to fighting she didn't think she'd seen many with more love between them, it was like that was the only way they knew how to express themselves.

There were others less kindly thought of or less trusted. And then there was Arthur who had told her upfront they were bad men, but they weren't the men who killed her Jake. He was right of course on both counts but also wrong. They weren't bad men, they were just men who did things. Some good, some bad, but just things to survive. Of all of them Morgan had, she thought, the softest heart. But it was as if he didn't realize his own kindness or compassion for his brutality. Sadie had, when it came to him she'd noticed a lot. Granted a lot of what she noticed had come only after the darkness of grief and the scarlet wash of rage had subsided.

"Anyway, life has a way of takin' what plans ya make and turnin' 'em on their ear anyhow. So maybe it's best to prepared for whatever comes." And see what fell and how.

"Maybe some of us have a chance." Arthur won't disagree with that, anyway, because he hopes for Jack's sake, and for Abigail... that they have a chance at getting out of all of this, someday. Ah, hell, and John too, may as well count him in that. They could go off, live their lives out somewhere in a more honest sort of a way as a family. Whatever that entails. If he stops to think about it, it's probably pretty mixed among everyone else, too. Some are just too tied up in this life to ever really leave. He believes it for himself for sure. He'd tried... He's just too far gone to ever find a way out of this. In too deep. It doesn't mean he can't try to help others out of that hole, though. Because that's something he wants, he wants to make sure no one else ends up this way, if he can help it. Maybe he's too much of an awful shit person to be anything better, in his way of seeing things, but... there's hope for others not to end up like him.

Arthur glances over at her. "Can't argue with that. There's folks among us who aren't bad company to have around... Then I guess you learn to get used to Pearson's cooking, and Uncle's complainin'..." Ah, hell, he'll poke at them and make an offhand comment here and there, but at the end of the day... they're his people. They're family. He'd put his life on the line for any of them. Grudgingly for say, Micah, but if it helped their gang on the whole, he'd do it.

He turns his gaze back to the dark landscape around them. "You got that right... nothing's a guarantee. We can't ever afford to get too comfortable. There's always someone out there against us." Sure, he's always respected Dutch being the mastermind with his intricate plans, and it's often worked out... except when it doesn't. And that's when you have to be ready to change those plans, fast.

Arthur would never see himself as deserving or worthy of more than he had, not unless something drastic happened. She wasn't even sure it would work then but she hoped for his sake it would. She sure can pick 'em, one man in the grave and another who would never rest until he was there too.

Sometimes it was to the point of exasperation with the dogged loyalty to a man, a concept that wasn't offering the same to him in re turn. She'd seen how Dutch treated John and Arthur. She didn't care for it one bit but it wasn't her relationship to manage. All she could do was be there to offer a gun hand or kind word or support when it was needed. Truth was that she felt woefully inadequate to do much of any of it aside from fighting.

But she laughed with his comments, he always had a way to spin things, as much as he claimed to not be much of a speaker he had a way with words. Just as he could draw things with such softness and beauty he could use words that would surprise most who saw him as just a brawler. He might be a man built and tempered for fighting but there was an artist in him, she wondered sometimes what he might have been if raised by different hands.

"Good outweighs the bad I suppose. An just talking about it ain't gonna do much to help fix it much." It felt like that, words were all they had when actions were vastly left up to someone else.

Which is definitely some of the problem, it seems... there are times they haven't been able to act as they maybe should have.

"In my own experience, talk only ever goes so far. You gotta act... you always gotta act, sooner or later, and you won't get anywhere if you're too late." Act too late, and you or your companions may all end up dead. Or good as dead, imprisoned, or otherwise in a bad way. He's been there, done that, they all had. Look what happened in Blackwater. Things had been really hanging on a precipice there, it felt like just dangling over a cliff's edge... But Arthur was still, even now, willing to trust in Dutch to see them through. He'd always managed it before.

Sure, lately, there was a lot going wrong, but times had changed, enemies were closing in, it just... wasn't the same anymore. Dutch just... he needed to adapt his plans more, that had to be it. He'd come through in the end, or... well, what, exactly? Dutch, Hosea, they're supposed to be the brains, while he's more than content to be the brawn. Always has been. Or... again, it's what he tells himself as much as he tells others, tells himself and then goes off and overthinks it all anyway, when he gets a quiet moment by himself with his journal by the campfire.

"What we're up against, it's not like it used to be. I for one wish we could get back to more open land, away from all of this..." He waves dismissively toward the direction of the city. If he could spend less time in the cities around these parts, the better.

"I think you could be happy holing up in a cabin somewhere away from the rest of the world and all its people till your final days." Sadie shook her head with humor, but there was some truth to it too. Arthur always seemed ill at ease around people, large groups of them or ones he didn't yet know how to approach.

He was no coward by any means, nor was he antisocial, but she felt like he just personally had little use for the majority of the human race. He made exceptions with the gang, and even then some more specially than others, but by and large if he could eschew the companionship of most people.

This was a family they had built here out of wildly disparate people who came together to support each other, all of those personalities and skills woven together into a strong and cohesive tapestry. He might not see where he fit in, but he was a central thread for all of them. And more and more, Dutch was the one coming apart at the seams.

"But maybe you're right, we could.. should get out of places like this. I just don't know if I see how anything anyone's workin' right now is aimed to get us there."

"Now that sounds like a fine way to live... out on a mountainside, with plenty to hunt and fish... and no one to get in my way..." Maybe he'd stop by the nearest town if he really needed something, but a man could get by pretty much living off what he caught. It was indeed just Arthur's way. Dutch kept talking about Tahiti, but give Arthur some distant place back out west and he'd be perfectly fine. The cities were filled with all kinds of scum worse than anything he'd come across out on the road. Just a hive of desperation and double-crossing. He appreciates the honesty of "shoot or be shot" out in the open country, not... whatever sort of scams they run in town. Awful as he sees himself, even he's got to have some kind of standards.

And when it came to the company he kept... well... he did like it, deep down even want it sometimes, he just preferred being around those he considered to be his own, the gang. He'd even join in around the campfire, some nights when they were talking, singing, whatever it took to pass the time.

Somehow, it all worked for their gang. Somehow, they made it work. But Arthur still saw it as Dutch who held them together, one of their masterminds. Even if lately... well, best not to think too much on it. It was something to puzzle over later, maybe write down a couple of those thoughts, it always seemed he could make more sense out of some things when he wrote it out...

"I don't see it, either, not unless someone's got a damn good lead to go off of in these parts, something to make it worthwhile. Otherwise, we'd just as soon find somewhere else... maybe not so much around the swamps, and not too close to any of the bigger cities... can't really tell the difference between those anyway...one's just as full of gators as the other..."

"Sounds a little quiet for me, I had quiet, and it didn't take." She and Jake had tried, they honestly had. But Colter was a hard place, and it made them hard living there. The winters, the bandits, the damned bears and wolves. Half the time they were scraping just to get by and the rest, well, you can do a lot when you have love and determination driving you.

She'd lost one of those, but she was still determined, too much so if you asked a lot of men, which she didn't. Sadie didn't care overmuch what people said or thought about her. Them that liked her, and she liked got on just fine, and them that didn't either stayed out of her way or they'd end up not bothering her in a permanent sort of way. She wasn't a complex and mysterious woman, everything about her was more or less worn out front.

She liked the gang, most of them anyhow, well enough. Some she had a soft spot for out of just their personality, some had impressed her with their strength and smarts, some were just as stubborn as she was, and she had to like them or hate herself. Arthur was the one who crossed over through all categories, she felt the most at home and at ease with him because she knew full well he wouldn't lie to her, or do something intentionally to hurt her. He was a better man than he ever gave himself credit for, and he'd just shoo her on if she tried. So she didn't, not out loud anyway.

She'd been thinking over that when he made his gator comment and drew a short snort of a laugh from her. "I'd rather deal with the ones in the swamp if I had to choose, least I know what they want."

Where could they go though? The law was still nosing around, there had been enough close calls for that to be apparent. North was cold, and if they decided to turn that way again, she'd go off on her own. She wasn't looking to ever live somewhere so cold again, it made her ache in body and heart.

No, south was really the only way she saw for them to go. East was building up cities faster than she could imagine. And telegraph lines meant they could have some tinstar waiting for them before they even had time to ride from one place to another. No, they would have to head down as far as they could to put miles between them and those that would put them behind bars or worse. If along the way she was able to put a few O'Driscolls in the ground, she'd consider that just a happy coincidence.

"We gotta move and sooner's better'n later for us. Maybe that's the next thing to work on. Just scoutin' out new places and putting an ear to the ground. If we could just get somewhere that we can sit for a bit it'd help." She thought anyway.

"They're honest about wanting to sink their teeth into you out in the swamps. You can't ask for much more than that." You never could be sure with some of the human ones, especially the likes of what you ran across in cities like Saint Denis. So that was one good reason among many why he'd just as soon avoid going there, if they could help it. Laying low meant keeping out of the populated areas, anyway, maybe only heading to town if they needed something. But hell, there was probably a good chance they'd have to head off in that general direction before long.

Arthur patted his horse gently as the road started to curve a bit, the trees thicker in this area, the further from town they got. Just to his liking, yes... "There ain't anything wrong with a bit of quiet, though it never lasts long. Seems like it's just not meant for the likes of us." Anytime they'd settle in, and just get used to their location, something would come up, and they'd have to move on, and it happened more often, lately. Which... was troubling. But there it was. There was no leaving the outlaw life, no denying that this was just... the way it went.

"Still, I'd be glad to have you along for that. Let's just say I trust your judgment... you can make sure we get us a spot that's not too quiet... just quiet enough." Maybe on his own, a secluded wilderness life might be feasible, but with the whole gang to think of, they needed a lot more in the way of supplies. But being able to settle for a time and better plot out their next move really did seem like what they ought to do. "Someplace with good hunting nearby, a stream or lake for fishing... good open space for the horses... more alligators than Pinkertons... not asking for much now, am I?"

She laughed again, something that seemed to happen easier and more frequently in some company than others. He trusted her judgement? Hadn't it been Arthur who pulled her back from perforating Pearson? She'd been angry and felt like no one was seeing or hearing her until that moment, but Arthur had changed things. He'd taken notice, and he'd spoken up for her, after a little practice she went from being a fine shot in her own right to down right frightening when she turned a barrel on someone. A necessary change in her, like she'd been one of those caterpillars that needed to turn into something else to be finished. Though she was never going to be anything so pretty or fragile, so maybe it was more like how steel got stronger when it was tempered.

"Yer askin' plenty, but I think 'tween us we can manage it. Hardest part's gonna be keeping people off our backs once we settle in anywhere. Seems like as soon as we get there, we're having to think about pullin' up stakes everywhere we go." She didn't lie it much, it was too hard to get people rallied when they felt unstable, save for the couple who maybe thrived on the chaos. She could do it alone, she figured, now anyway, but there were others who needed the safety and security of the gang.

"But I'll let ya know if I spot our little paradise, or get some good leads on it. So long as we ain't headed back into the cold, I'll find a way to deal with it." If she had her way she'd never set foot in a place like that again. The snow was too full of memories, and it'd take a hell of a lot to coax her back there.

It definitely surprised Arthur himself sometimes, if he were to think back to the situation they'd found Sadie in. Right away, there'd been something different about her, a sure enough sign she wasn't likely to be able to just go back to a more 'normal' way of life... But that in itself didn't make someone worth trusting. After all, she was driven by that thirst for revenge, something which could consume a person if they weren't careful. He'd never been a vengeful type himself, but he knew too well where it came from and what it could do. He'd seen that look in her eyes. And yet, despite that, there was something about her he knew he could count on. Maybe it was because the vengeance came ultimately out of loyalty, and that was something he especially understood...

"Guess we'll just have to keep that in mind, and make sure not to get too comfortable wherever else we go. I'd just as soon avoid the cold too... and the swamps... and the whole of this area, if it comes to it... I'd go back out west, if we could." But Blackwater. No chance of that happening anytime soon, and they all knew it. The law'll be right on any of them the moment they set foot in that region, he's more than willing to bet. "Still, there's parts worth appreciating, some good open country... just far enough from any larger settlements... I'm sure you'll come across something. They're doing their damndest to tame it all, but they can't get everywhere."

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